New Ed Stuff soon.

[TakatØ]

This is just an experiment...If you can't read it..i'll just type it. I'm really lazy.



Damien Newwater stepped out in front of the old Cadilac, the chipped paint looking chippier as it closed in on him, it stopped when it came to a foot in front of him.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v352/Asoult/PictureorVideo051.jpg

he frowned. 'Why not a curious birthmark in the shape of an inverted cross?' he asked noone.

[TakatØ]

MOthafuckin bump

[broken]

I tried to read it, but I can't.

[TakatØ]

Then it seems I must type out the whole thing -_-

[Ora]

I can read most of it, but there are some words I can't make out.

[TakatØ]

Faces of the clown stare back at you. Purple Lipped Goat.

Another creak and another 4 taps, Ed waited, crouching behind an old over-turned table.

Another creak and another 4 taps.

Ed was watching the door, there was a zombie on the other side...and it wanted to get in.

The patrons paid no attention, it was  loud and boisterous everyone was laughing and drinking. Some danced.

Ed was invisible to these living people. But the zombie would not be. Ed made his move.

He ran through the bar just at the 4th tap and impaled the zombie on his sythe; it gurgled and moaned.

Ed looked around and noone was there. He had protected them all from a doom.

He flipped the zombie upon the ground and decapitated it. Thusly, it disintegrated.

Ed wandered away into the moonlit horizon.
Posted on: 26 May 2007, 09:30:13 The Impaled - Guardian of the Crossroads

A steadfast crossroadings and all others perish, we collectively collect ourselves to inquire "what is life and what do we do about it?"

Ed stood in this..dust. These roads between the realms a 4 way street covered in dirt and black sand. It even had a cute flashing red light. Ed walked along at the intersection, making note of the
features this featureless place had to itself. Why? Noone knows for certain. Ed makes his "living"
just fine. He knew these roads each ended with a portal to one form of existence or another.
which was which he could only tell if he had to guide a soul there. There are many ways for Ed to make sure souls are judged, guarding the Crossroads was one of them. He was not alone either. great golden eagles flew over head across the dusk sky. It was always almost dark but it never happened that way. the purple bruised sky gave way to nothing and held itself quite well. Ed watched them, bemused. Closeby there was a skeleton, or at least parts of it, impaled on a dead tree. The pus-yellow eyes watched Ed with eager anticipation.

"Reaper..", it croaked.
Ed looked toward it. "Yes?"
"Tell me what brings you to my home"
"No reason specifically, I'm actually rather bored and lost."
"Then I will tell you tales, I will tell you...the future perhaps."
Ed considered this for a moment and..since he had nothing else better to do he decided to go along with the Impaled. "Go on"

"When the ancient Gods first began building this place, the Roads, There was arguement, chaos,
they bickered and war broke out in the heavens and on the fledgling Earth. They wanted realms of their own and a way to get from one to another rather quickly, and with no hassle. I am the first human to die by the hands of a god. I lie eternally. I'm even older than you, Reaper. Before you came along gods dealt out death so easily and were...in it. They were down there wreaking havoc like it was nothing. god battled god...until one day your Judeo-Christian Jehovah decided to end it all taking out the entirety and starting over."

"He killed the other gods?"

"No, he peacefully deceived all of them into going to Limbo, then he sealed them all there, forever, he does what he can to keep them contained. They get loose every now and then."

"They go to Earth?"

"Rarely. They got bored of killing humans around the 1300's. now...they fornicate with them"

"Half-Gods?"

"No. Fornicate nor procreate. Their "lovers" die shortly after orgasm, then they disappear"

"That's...retarded"

"I do not understand why they do it, i suppose they think it 'fun' to 'screw' humans"

"How did you come to be the Guardian?"

"With the gods too busy fighting each other I was cast aside my body thrown into the heavens themselves and I drifted up here and being out of Earthly principles. I lived again. As much as I could. I've be at full strength before. Now I haven't done much. I haven't been able to move since I was impaled on this tree"

"How did that happen?"

"punkass phantoms causing trouble...I may be undead but i'm not..superpowered or anything"

"Want me to Take you off that tree?"

"No thank you, I don't have legs to stand with and i'd rather not crawl around like vermin"

"I can fix that"

"Oh?"

..and so, with Ed's power the Impaled no longer was the Impaled , but rather The Guardian.
Ed did more than restore the GUardian's form, he made certain the Guardian could defend himself
from future harm by transfiguring the tree that was once his prison into a weapon.
    This weapon changed form depending on the Guardian's needs.

"Thank you Reaper, for this"

"Not a problem, GUardian, if i had more materials i'd make you some armour too"

"Perhaps the eagles?"

"You'd feel comfortable with wearing eagles?"

"I..don't think so..no that was a dumb idea"

"I'll steal some Hellknight armour" Ed said with sudden joy.

"No no no, I'm no daemon"

"hrmm..." Ed looked around but there was really nothing to use.

The Guardian's weapon was a sword at the moment and he swung it about with great ease.
"This is a splendid weapon, I long to fight again!"

Ed snapped his bony fingers "I'll use the very Crossroads itself!"

"Wha-" The Guardian began but fell silent as Ed began siphoning bits of the road off into a pile.
The road sealed itself back again.

"There" Ed began fusing the bits of asphalt together in various armour arrangements from various times and cultures.

After some time The GUardian looked like a very worthy foe, clad in Medieval Europe armour and donning a samurai helm with horns. He brandished the amorphous weapon at the air as it transformed into various things. The armour hindered his movement not one bit.
"Reaper, this is a great gift. You have found yourself an ally in the Guardian of the Crossroads!!"

"Anytime, new friend"

and with that Ed walked into what awaited him on Earth, it was going to be a busy day.

[Physics]

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

[Shigan]

Very nicely written. you have a bright future in the writing business. Post more as i have been sucked in.

[TakatØ]

I'll post more later. I still have stuff I have to translate from I just have to find them.
Posted on: 06 April 2008, 08:30:44.............Ed Is an unlikely hero, but to some he was a hero nonetheless. Ed kept his promises. like one, sometimes he wished he didn't. He swore to uphold the cosmic laws of life-death-rebirth.
This proved difficult when he took a liking to people whose time had run out. He thought about this past, dwelled on it, his archaic mind set to rewind.
.....The first soul he had ever had to collect was lost in time, he could not remember much of his life, each century devoured by the next, his mind rebooting to adapt to the present and deleting the past that ha had no use for anymore. This would have saddened him if he could remember what he was t o be sad about, what he was missing...an incomplete picture he longed to finish

[Takato]

The Fuck is a place. As in "Who in The Fuck?" "Where in The Fuck"

[TakatØ]

The Lunatic is on the grass
Posted on: 04 October 2008, 20:18:06Here is something from many many moons ago...

TakatØ Media in association with
Dallas Tricycle Productions
Proudly present....


The CrashØW 10-JAR-05 100% Percentages.

Crash:Welcome Welcome blah blah blah new show led-e-dah. Now we're kickin' it in overdrive today. It's me Datsun and Whatnot today..we are having a Giveaway thing as most Radio programmes tend to do..mmmkay?

Datsun: right right tight...well...whatnot how do you feel?

Whatnot: y'see here to have the good Jell-O it's good Jell-O y'see..mhhmm.

Crash: it's a long road to recovery.

Datsun: Well umm...Caller??

Caller: HOORAH!! I WIN WIN ! WOOOOOOOooo...what i win?

Crash: uh..you have to be the 9th caller and you win a Remote-Controlled Sofa.

Caller: Bullocks! you suck! *hangs up*

Crash: block taht number..AHHA! can't call now, bitch!
we blocked you! D00t Doot D00t!

Whatnot: Did i win? I love Sofa...it's my favourite show.

Crash: uh..huh..well..Does anyone want the RC Sofa?

Datsun: there's a guy on line 3.

Crash: Hello?

Caller: Hey...i have your car.

Crash: Unpossible my car is right ther-HOLY FLAMING BARREL OF MICROWAVABLE INSTANT BABIES! My CAR!

Caller: I want the Sofa...and your shoes...shoes too.

Crash: Do your worst!

Caller: *revs engine* I will run it into the wall.

Crash: *Clenches teeth* You won...

Caller: good..I will send someone in an hour *hangs up*

Datsun: Well uh-

Crash: Datsun..it's break time..let's get the...SCORPION

============Later================

Scorpion: Crash

Crash:Scorpion

Scorpion: Whatnot

Whatnot: WoOooOOo! BACON!

Datsun: Scorpion

Scorpion: Datsun...well now that we're all reaquainted..what brings me out of my slumber.

Crash: my car is being held hostage.

Scorpion: Isee...and what do you think i can do to help?

Crash: His friend is coming over and i want you to wreck his shit.

Scorpion: I hardly see-

Crash: we'll go to Quizno's

Scorpion: Deal *rolls toward the gate*

Datsun: The guy has sent his friend to collect an RC Sofa...

Scorpion: OoO...what colour is it?

Crash: Focus!

Scorpion: sorry...there a battery charger?

Crash: Scorpion!

Scorpion: guess not.

Random Person: Hey Guys-ARRRRRGHGH..ZZZAAPP!
*vapourised*

Scorpion: There'll be no Sofa takin' on my watch!

==========Later=============

Crash: okay...you killed 50 passersby...so ONE of them HAS to be him...

Scorpion: Screw it..we'll sift through the corpses after my Slurpee & Quizno's sammich *slurp*


=====================================
Fin? Niemals!
=====================================

Next Time: R.P. and a tortoise!!
Posted on: 28 October 2008, 18:35:17The CrashØw

Special Guest : R.P. Yorginson-Stanley

Originally written: 15-Oktober-2004

100% Freash

10% Alcohol

Takato: A big fat greeting present box to all readers of this document (sorry no CODs)
This is....quite literally the newest Crash Show....revised after a long haitus or something*
I dunno..and here's Datsun!

Datsun: Thank you..now today is a special day..no wait..it's not really.But here we have in our studio..The newest Agent of Takato Media R.P. Yorginson-Stanley!

R.P. - Hey...

Datsun: exactly..now tell us what projects you're currently involved in.

R.P.- oh..my comic finally got a name "The Cage" and i got five or so new characters signed on.

Datsun: Hrmm...taht's interesting..but despite your problems in the past..it's YOU BABY'S MOMMA!

R.P.- ¡¿Que!?

Susan - R.P.! why don't you call me, you bastard!

R.P.- er...okay..I'll give it a try...You Bastard.

Susan: Nooo! call me on the phone!

R.P- On The Phone!...clean your room!

====x=Susan commits seppuku=x====

Datsun- Crap in a hat! She died!

R.P. - =x=smokes pipe=x= No...i'm afriad she merely became furniture...a very pregnant furniture.

Datsun- Insensitive!

Crash - Well...that's hormones for ya.

Takato- Gott in Himmel! Look outside...an angry mob of Viking Mimes!

Datsun- we must sacrifice Whatnot to satisfy them sexually.

Whatnot- I never agreed!-

Crash- Sorry nuddy..but you gots a purty mouf.

Whatnot- No! =x=it thrown out the window at the mob =x=

R.P.- It appears...oh my god..that's alot of penii.

Datsun- Close the Curtains!

R.P.- I can't bare to see him in the state of anal penetration..I can hear his screams of mercy.

====x= a knock at the door =x====

====x= Crash answers =x====

Whatnot- cYbErTrOn aNd aLl oF iTs fOrESt mOoNs oF eNdOr aRe beLonG 2 uS

====x= Crash slams the door =x====

R.P.- who was it?

Crash- telemarketer

====x= a knock at the door =x====

Crash- It's for you.

====x= R.P. answers =x====

Whatnot- w3"r3 g01Ng oUt tHe OlDe FaShiOn wAy....gUnS a-BlAZ'N!

R.P.-......mother of god.



=========================x=Fin?=x================================

*There are some more Crashows that Prez is in the possesion of taht i made after this one...i will post them here once i get them back.
Posted on: 28 October 2008, 18:36:23Steam from the nostril the Minotaur crouches in his lair. Mouth wet with blood he snores and saliva entangle and coalesce upon his snout. This feast he had in his glorius day, he rests until he is called again, his prey within the Labyrinth he gives due time. Frightened slaves and criminals roam corridors upon corridors adorned with unlit torches that bring near darkness, cries split stale air when they trip over skeletons.